Cheese, Wine, and Motherhood

Some time ago I was researching an entirely different topic when I happened across an article in the  March 1976 Ensign entitled, "When You Feel Inadequate as a Mother", by Claudia T. Goates. I was intrigued by the suggestion made by the title (you mean, feeling inadequate as a mother is not a feeling unique to mothers today?) so I read on to discover what the advice was 37 years ago. Surprise, surprise, it's completely relevant today!

Things I liked:

• Factors that may cause feelings of inadequacy: 
1. Comparing our weaknesses to others' strengths
2. Tension between motherhood/women's lib
3. "...[W]e all begin motherhood inexperienced and unprepared. ...I didn’t realize that there are maturing stages of parenthood and that I couldn’t become a mature mother without passing through the intermediary stages of childhood and adolescence. I wish I had known that the mothers I admired also had frustrations and discouragements."

• Maturing stages of Parenthood: 
• Infancy- Naive confidence of knowing everything.
• Childhood- Realization that book learnin' isn't going to cut it and need advice from others' experiences.
• Adolescence- Mildness, length, and and timing of this stage vary for all. Feelings of tiredness, impatience, incompetence, etc.
• Maturity- "This ultimate stage of development is marked by a real testimony that perfection is a process that takes a lifetime, by truly internalizing this feeling and feeling comfortable with it, by accepting a problem and calmly working on it rather than fighting it and feeling frustrated and inadequate." This stage was reached by 1.) Time- "learning from living" and seeing the fruits of your labor ripen, and 2.) Fasting, Prayer, and Scripture study. 

• "[I] can testify that the true joy of motherhood awaits those who do not retreat from their commitment. The Lord gives no commandment unless he provides a way for us to accomplish his desires."  

• "My life as a mother changed because my attitude changed. ...I no longer focused on my failures, but rather on my successes."

2 Steps Forward, 3 Kicks in the Pants

This would summarize the process of my current sewing project.

I was overcome by an unusual spirit this Halloween and decided my husband and I would actually wear costumes. I decided we would be Snow White and Prince Charming- I know, I know, not much of a costume for my husband. I found a killer deal online for the only modest Snow White costume manufactured and patted myself on the back for avoiding the time/effort that making a costume would take.

Unfortunately, the costume arrived and I looked awful in it. As in, it looked like I had instantly gained 10 15 pounds. {shudder}. After much indecision, I decided to return the costume and urgently conjured a simple costume idea together in my mind. I went to the fabric store, picked out my supplies and got started. Things were looking good at the beginning, until the day I shipped my costume back (which was ironically addressed to "Fulfillment"). Once my back-up plan was gone, the sewing project hit some turbulence. Not much unlike the time when my first child was born and hospitalized 2 days after my mom flew home.

The sewing gods reminded me that there is no such thing as a simple sewing project and that they require a sacrifice of my sanity. In my calculating, I had naively forgotten to account for extra time volunteered by Dumbness that eats your precious time and kills your morale. Things like:

1. Machine mysteriously jamming and requiring 1/2 hour of troubleshooting
2. Fabric fraying like none other
2. Bobbin thread running out mid-stitch
3. While winding bobbin, thread coming off the bobbin and winding itself tightly around the rod a bajillion times.
4. No time to work on it

Long story short, my simple costume is requiring much more time than I had intended. This is exacerbated by the fact that I insist on doing it the "right way"- even though it is only a costume- because I hope to use this costume a lot for future Halloweens. Luckily, my mom has patiently helped me troubleshoot things and it looks like I'm on track for getting it done this week. So... using the Sewing Estimation Formula:  

estimated time x 3 (Dumbness) = 3 Weeks

And that is an example of how I use math in my everyday life.
And why I will never be able to sew things for etsy.

Despicable Me

Agnes: Why are you wearing your pajamas?
Vector: They're not pajamas! It's my warm-up suit.
Agnes: Why do you need warming up for?
Vector: For doing stuff
Agnes: What kind of stuff?
Vector: Super-cool stuff you wouldn't understand.
Agnes: Like sleeping?

This is the conversation from the movie that came to mind when it occurred to me that I had become too liberal in wearing my "exercise" pants. The great thing about exercise pants is that they are so comfortable and yet make anything you do feel like exercise. But, oh, what a slippery slope they can be.

A Sparkling Home

My daughter just received a Disney princess costume for her birthday. The tag includes the following warning:

"CAUTION: During handling and play this garment may release particles of glitter."

Now, I am new to the princess/glitter arena, but my observation is that this disclaimer is a tad on the weak and misleading side. In my experience, the following warning would be more accurate:

"CAUTION: During handling and play this garment WILL release particles of glitter. In fact, glitter will rain constantly from this garment during handling, play, and at rest. Glitter will cover every surface, nook, cranny, crease, and crevice of your home- including the bodies of anyone living therein- whether or not they have come in contact with this garment. You will find glitter in places we can not mention. Furthermore, please understand that glitter will shed from this garment for an indefinite amount of time. Once introduced into your home, glitter will resist all cleaning efforts. A locked and sealed room is not safe from glitter. There is no escaping the glitter. The glitter has won."

I'm guessing they had to shorten the warning for cost?

Moments That Matter Most

I swear I saw my daughter in slow motion after I watched this: 

Moments that Matter Most
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l70e1TfN34w

 

"... [W]e would do well to slow down a little, proceed at the optimum speed for our circumstances, focus on the significant, lift up our eyes, and truly see the things that matter most. ...

"Strength comes not from frantic activity but from being settled on a firm foundation of truth and light. It comes from placing our attention and efforts on the basics of the restored gospel of Jesus Christ. It comes from paying attention to the divine things that matter most."
-Elder Dieter F. Uchtdorf


(And I must say, the Church's cinematography has come a long way from the days of Cipher in the Snow, The Mailbox, and Uncle Ben. )

Mickey Who?

While at Disney World a few years ago, I found myself negotiating with my son about the souvenir with which he wanted to remember his magical day- a Darth Vader helmet. My goal was to help him forget the prize he was holding and consider a character that he had actually SEEN at Disney. For some strange reason, Star Wars and Spiderman were a healthy presence in the souvenir stores. Personally, I thought characters who were not conceived by Disney nor had any presence in Disney World (no special ride, not even a spot on the Main Street parade) should not be allowed inside Disney gates. I had half a mind to call security about these intruders. 

I have noticed Mickey's shrinking presence, and I had a suspicion as to why, but today I learned the answer. According to this Motley Fool article, "Why Disney Buys All The Premium Character Collections It Can Afford", it is because the Mickey Mouse copyright is expiring in 2018 and will become public domain. Knock-offs will abound and Mickey's value will be diluted. 

"...Disney is diversifying into a number of clearly defined niches. Each one comes with a central cast of characters that can carry Disney's branding flag when Mickey steps aside. In-house princesses from Snow White to Merida cater to a mostly young, female audience. Marvel's superheroes and villains do the heavy lifting for older boys, with Darth Vader and Yoda coming up behind them. The Pixar stable has something for everyone." -Anders Bylund

It's kind of sad to see behind the curtain of what makes "the happiest place on earth" tick. So, Disney is evolving and I am pretty sure I don't like it.  First they get rid of "Mr. Toad's Wild Ride", next they tailor the Pirate of the Caribbean ride to include Johnny Depp's Jack Sparrow, and now Mickey Mouse is being edged out by Darth Vader and Spiderman. Not to mention all of the immoral, misguided, girls that are being groomed and held up as role models for our daughters... but that's a topic for another day.

Scientific Method

Recently, I was on a morning walk with my daughter and passed a group of middle school kids waiting for their bus. A group of 6 boys were in a circle watching swarming fire ants on the ground, and I was reminded of the first step of the scientific method for boys observing anything unusual: Spit On It. 

I'm not sure what this step teaches them, but it seems to be a universal instinct observable from a very young age. I would hypothesize that there are probably other unspoken steps I am not familiar with, but that is an experiment in which I have no interest in learning a conclusion.

Battling Feelings of Inadequacy

"When in situations of stress we wonder if there is any more in us to give, we can be comforted to know that God, who knows our capacity perfectly, placed us here to succeed. No one was foreordained to fail or to be wicked. When we have been weighed and found wanting, let us remember that we were measured before and we were found equal to our tasks; and, therefore, let us continue, but with a more determined discipleship. When we feel overwhelmed, let us recall the assurance that God will not overprogram us; he will not press upon us more than we can bear (D&C 50:40)."

-Neal A. Maxwell, "Meeting the Challenges of Today", Oct. 10, 1978 BYU Devotional

Meet the Flintstones

Friend (new in town): Want to get together this week?
Me: That'd be great. I know I put your number somewhere (searching my smartphone)
Friend: I have your number, why don't I just text you mine?
Me: Sure.... (searching my smartphone) Oh, you know what? I think I wrote your number down somewhere. Go ahead and text me. What number did I give you?
Friend: (shows me number in her contact list)
Me: Oh, that's our home phone. Let me give you my cell.
Friend: Wow, you still use a land line?

Yes, we do. Because life without a land line seems strange and scary.

And I still use a pencil and paper too.

Kitty de Ruyter-Bon

The other day I was working on a sewing project and decided to listen to another conversation on the Mormon Channel. I selected Kitty de Ruyter-Bon (ep. 12), a woman whose name I did not recognize, but whose story looked interesting. She was born and raised in Indonesia, and put in a Japanese concentration camp during WWII with her family when she was 8 years old. I was surprised to discover that she was the source of a story (about a decision her mother made to protect the virtue of some young women while in the concentration camp that resulted in harsh punishment) I had heard in my youth and have remembered all these years, but could not remember where I heard it or if it was even a true story at all. I'm guessing I heard her speak at EFY?

The faith, strength, teachings, and example of her mother is great evidence of the impact mothers have on their children. Kitty's family was not LDS when she was growing up, but her mother's faith made a huge impact on Kitty and her ability to endure the tragedies of war with hope. She encouraged her children to pray despite it being forbidden at the camp, and also taught them as much as she could about the scriptures, science, math, etc. during the 3.5 years at the camp because they were provided no education in an attempt to override their culture (i.e. education is more than just a back-up plan for stay-at-home moms). Here is an article in the Deseret News (Oct. 31, 2010) that gives a brief background on her.

Below is a portion of her interview that I liked.:

What have you learned about war?
"War is a horrible thing to go through. And yes, atrocities are committed. And it seems to be that people only make war either for land or for an ideology or a religion. And I'm afraid that they still haven't learned that even though war is a horrible thing if you stay with the teachings of Jesus Christ and you let that influence your soul, then you can overcome all things."

What do you tell groups to whom you speak about freedom?
"...I tell them this is the best country in the whole world. That freedom is something to be cherished. Because people take freedom for granted; it's freedom of speech, it's freedom of movement, it's freedom that you aren't being confined. And here in America you are not going to be put in prison for no reason at all. You will have your day in court. Because the law protects you this. And so many other countries you don't. That's what I usually tell them. And I tell them also, we are so grateful for the Allied and the American armed forces that delivered us and what they are doing for us. And that they bring liberty for so many, so many people."

What do you say to groups about faith?
"I always try to be a missionary, and when I speak to non-LDS groups I tell them about my mother's faith. But faith is something that you have to work on, you have to give your whole soul to it, that Heavenly Father will be there to help you, that he answers prayers, and that all blessings are predicated on laws that you follow, and commandments that you follow."

What do you say about courage?
"Courage comes from deep inside of you. And sometimes it is difficult to be courageous, but you always have to remember when you do something that the Lord will walk before you on your right hand and your left hand and angels will uphold you. And so you never have to be afraid. I've seen my mother be very courageous and I like to be courageous as well."

What do you tell them about fear?
"Fear is something to avoid. Always know that fear comes from the adversary. Fear is not something that Heavenly Father puts into you, yes, sometimes the scriptures say 'Fear God' but it means 'Worship God and obey Him'. Fear comes from the devil and it's darkness. And I always say turn your face to God and you'll receive light."

What do you say about strength?
"Strength is something that you develop. You have to overcome shyness. Build on your self-esteem. Always know that you are a daughter of God and that He has made you in His image and he has given you the strength and the power to overcome any adversity any trial that you have. And then you'll find strength."

The Math War

School is back. My son's homework on his first day of school? A discussion with us about how we use math in everyday life. This was a hard topic for me to discuss, as I consider math a foe more than a friend... an animosity that dates back to my middle and high school days. But, I swallowed my pride and admitted that I used it when I sewed, and cooked, grocery shopped, and scheduled my day- and I think I even successfully hid my scowl and acted positive about it. 

I did not inform my son that in a few short years he would take math courses that have no relevance to everyday life except to be able to pass tests and that it would be a bur in his pants every night during homework and I have the picture my parents took of me solemnly laboring over my math homework to prove it. But then, some things in life are meant to discover on your own.

Unless he's one of those people who actually likes math. In which case, that would be my ultimate triumph over math.

Mixed Messages

I'm confused.

Is buying products made from trees responsible because it is a renewable resource and biodegradable? :)

Or, is buying products made from trees irresponsible because it is wreaking devastation on rain forests and their species? :(

Somebody please clarify.

A Divine Work

On days like today, when motherhood involves a lot of wailing, gnashing of teeth, and an infectious case of the grumpies (that even yourself is not immune to), it's good to remember the eternal perspective:

"Motherhood thus becomes a holy calling, a sacred dedication for carrying out the Lord’s plans, a consecration of devotion to the uprearing and fostering, the nurturing in body, mind, and spirit, of those who kept their first estate and who come to this earth for their second estate ‘to see if they will do all things whatsoever the Lord their God shall command them.’ (Abr. 3:25.) To lead them to keep their second estate is the work of motherhood, and ‘they who keep their second estate shall have glory added upon their heads for ever and ever.’ "

– Spencer W. Kimball, quoting First Presidency in Deseret News

Yes, it's good to remember the eternal perspective... as well as the power of Quiet Time. They might not be sleeping, but at least it's quiet.