A Super Bowl Party in an Alternate Universe

Just in case you thought "going green" only applied to cars, cleaning agents, and holding your breath, you can think again. In January 22-24th's "USA Weekend", Vicki Kriz enlightens us on "How to host an eco-friendly Super Bowl party". The absurdity of the title alone is beautiful. Somehow, though, I don't think Vicki needs to worry so much about this. Her article seems mostly irrelevant to a man's way of thinking or concern... at least the men I know. But just for fun, let's dissect her suggestions:

• Send an e-vite rather than paper invitations (I know my husband spends weeks planning the layout, coordinating scrapbook papers, and hunting for the perfect di-cuts for his invitations. Thank you Vicki. This will really take some pressure off my guy, not to mention help us save the world at the same time. Whew!)
  
• Downplay the decor, steering away from big, earth killing, Super Bowl banners and focusing more on centerpieces of fresh fruit or flowers. (Are you joking?)
• Go organic and local, serving beer from your local brewery ("It's a great conversation piece!"), and help your guests eat healthier by serving vegetarian "junk food" like meat-free chili or vegan cookies (Somehow, "junk food" takes on a whole new meaning when you throw "vegetarian" in front of it. Maybe I should try out my famous "Broccoli Bread" too. Our guests will be so grateful for our help.)
  
• Avoid paper products, put out recycle bins for guests to use, and "do a little homework to find out what you can and cannot recycle". Ask friends to bring their own containers for leftovers, and find a homeless shelter that will accept your leftover food. (Thank you for giving me loads of dishes to do, Vicki. I'm new at this... do you also suggest that I lecture my guests every time they throw their aluminum can in the wrong bin? Is that grounds for dismissal from the party? Well, since I'll be serving crap food anyway, I better plan on forcing people to take it home. And I have a sneaking suspicion that the homeless want nothing to with meatless chili and vegan cookies. In fact, I'm pretty sure shelters turn those away...)
  

So there you go. With a little planning and forethought you can throw a party that will earn a reputation that attracts friends back year after year... unless they have previous plans.

But hey, who needs friends when you're saving the world?